I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
