There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
