youre lurking in front of me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize