I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
