yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
