How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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