we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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