I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
