He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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