I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
