Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
