My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
