How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
