i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i think i just lost a toe
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
