Ambien. No doubt about it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
