Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
