Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
