There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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