Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
