I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
smell my finger.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
