Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
