I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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