the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
