I want to have your abortion
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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