I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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