Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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