what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
