yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
