Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
