I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
