he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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