just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Green mimosas i think yes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
