Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
