I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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