i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
