I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize