I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
