Plan B is the new Plan A
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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