My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
