A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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