nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
