I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
