I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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