new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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