yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
