I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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