Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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