I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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