Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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