Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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