whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Acid is not a monday night drug
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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