Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
