Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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