So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
