I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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