I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
third nipple confirmed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
