8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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