ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
