his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
