We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
