I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
