you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
