Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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