You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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