I wanna bring you to show and tell
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
