DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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