I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
