I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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