Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
