I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My penis needs a shock collar
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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