that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
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Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize