He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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