Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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