dude i'm inner monologue high
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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